These are the family members that I have lost on a holiday:
Uncle - Christmas Day
Uncle - Thanksgiving Day
First cousin - Valentine's Day
1st Grandmother - New Year's Eve
2nd Grandmother - Ash Wednesday before Easter
My husband's Father - one week after Halloween
I was talking to Mother this morning and I told her that I hold my breath every holiday afraid that someone in going to drop. She was getting a little misty eyed about Christmas and when I told her this she started laughing. This is the reason that I really cannot get into holiday's. The whole thing is associated with sorrow and lose for me. I know, I need to think happy thoughts and get through the day the best I can. A close friend of mine came over last night and she got me thinking a lot about holidays. She has just finished cancer treatment and she gets very fatigued, very quickly. We have a running joke that she comes over to visit so she can sleep in the living room on my really comfortable couch. I of course sleep on my own couch and pretend that I am watching the Cooking Channel® . The men stay out in the man cave and have a cigar. Remember, no smoking in the house or car. My friend also has asthma.
Well, she cooks about 10 platters full of homemade cookies for friends and family. Yes, I said platters. Not one of those disposable plastic contains with the cute little reindeer or snowmen dancing all over. Not a double paper plate with ribbons tied around them or any other cutesy Christmas container sold probable by the millions in every grocery chain in the world. She has a huge tree in her living room that is beautiful. Cute little decorations all over her house, down to the little snowmen that hang on her door knobs. I am lucky I can get a tree skirt around the bottom of my little fiber optic tree. I put my tree and Mother's tree in the attic, fully decorated after Christmas, cover with large plastic sheets and carry it down the next year and plop it on a table. I'm thinking to myself, here is a women who has gone through the mill with these cancer treatments and she still has shopping done for all her grandchildren, makes piles of beautiful cookies, decorates her whole house with tasteful decorations and still comes over to cheer me up.
I think Alzheimer moving in was the last straw. Not only can Mother and I not go shopping at anytime we want, stay out as long as we want. You know, if I couldn't find something we would look till we did. I'm blaming my horrible mood on every darn person who has had to pass away on a holiday. I'm blaming Alzheimer for moving in to my house.
As the holiday's get closer try to keep an even keel. Remember the reason for the season. Let go of the anxiety and stress. Start a journal. Get rid of all the negatively. Take a walk and just listen to nothing. Turn on the Yule Log and listen to soothing music. DO NOT WATCH THE NEWS, (at least for a day).
I think I will go make some cookies. I better start small. Slice the log of sugar cookies that you buy in the store, stick a chocolate kiss on the top and call it mine.
Happy, Happy - Phyllis
No comments:
Post a Comment