It's only a turkey

11/26/2014

Today is the day before Thanksgiving. My family and I have decided that we are going to just have a regular dinner tomorrow. My son, daughter-in-law and grandson are coming to eat on Sunday so we have decided that we would have our big dinner then.  I have told the kids that they can eat upstairs in our apartment or downstairs at grandpa's and grandma's. Over the years as my parents age I have changed my views of the holidays. When your children are young you want them to remember the holiday's with wonder and magic.  When my brother and I were growing up alot of our holidays were spent with my Mother only. JW was an active alcoholic and the holiday's were when he would disappear for days or weeks. My brother is 6 years younger than me and I think that his memories may be a little different than mine.
Now that Alzheimer lives here I have to plan for an extra guest. It started the first year that JW was diagnosed, he started getting jealous over his great grandson. Z was 6 and got over excited over any holiday. If we did not pay alot of attention to JW he would pout and not talk to anyone. I mean he would not answer you if you asked him a question and would just give everyone dirty looks.  So, now I had a 6 year old and an 83 year old that were acting on about the same level. JW could still do the stairs up to our apartment and we could have everyone sit around the same table.  Two years ago he could not come up the stairs so we decided that we would cook everything upstairs and carry it all down.
Last year we carried everything down stairs again and tried to eat on T.V. tables and a card table. Mother's dining room is not as large as ours so we had to eat in the living room. This year I am giving everyone a choice. Cooking will be done upstairs and I will take plates down to Mother and JW. The kids can eat where they want and I will eat downstairs with my parents.
We have always have gag gifts on Thanksgiving. Last year I got candy containers that were motion activated when you pressed a button. I think that JW got mad because everyone got one and not just him. Then of course my grandson wanted all of them, he is a kid. Well, JW got to keep his and Mother's and James'. Zack got to keep his, his parents and mine. This year I am going to do a Chinese take out container filled with different candies and little snow globes. Everyone will get the same and we will see if JW and Alzheimer have their little hissy fit.
I suggested to Mother this morning that it might be a good idea to put JW in his wheelchair to go down the hall from their room to his chair in the living room. That way she may not be as anxious about him walking. I know that he would get less exercise in his legs but after he is more awake and not so disoriented he could walk just around the room. She did not agree. I have a hard time not trying to push my agenda on Mother. I know that I am the child and she is the parent but as the burden of this disease grows I feel like one person cannot take the entire weight of responsibility to care for that person. Mother refuses to let the V.A. send in a nurse 2 times a week to help her. I have offered to pay for my sister-in-law to come in a couple of times a week to help with laundry. We have tried to offer to do a lot of things for her but she will not let us, I understand pride but we are family and who the hell is going to know what we are doing.
I will bite my tongue and just do all I can to keep my stuff together. I will put together the gag gifts, watch the yule log on T.V. and watch a movie with the kids. The men will watch football and nap most of the afternoon. Alzheimer will sleep in the recliner with JW. It's only a turkey..