Who is in charge here

11/17/2014

What do you do when your Father does not recognize you any longer. Alzheimer is in charge. Mother and I have decided to tackle this problem by developing our sense of humor. If we don't laugh we are going to cry a lot of tears.  We decided that Mother is the charge nurse, on duty. I will be the medication nurse, only on duty when JW does not know who I am.
When you walk into the room you know right away if you are being recognized or not.  There is a certain look, I compare it to the blank stare in the headlight look, that a deer would give you on a back country road. Then you know that Alzheimer is in charge that day.  I just decided not to get upset or fall apart. I just look my Father in the face and say, "J I am your medication nurse and I am here to check your meds." For some reason he is okay with that and he just nods his head and continues to stare at me. The first time this happened it really threw me. I took it personal. Now I know that he cannot help it.
Mother and I decided right from the start that we were going to fight this disease with no holds barred. We approach my Father's care the same way you would approach a child with developmental delay. He has a recliner in the living room that is his domain. There is an end table with a box of tissues, his eye glasses, 2 coasters, nail clippers, and a piece of paper with telephone numbers on it. Those are his belongings and if you use any of these items you must return them to the same spot. He has his blanket and throw pillow, can see the television clearly and can see anyone coming or going in the house. Mother tries to give him his shower the same way each time and his bedtime routine is the same every day.  When JW got sick I decided that there was only 3 things that I would concentrate on. Keep him comfortable, dry and fed. Once you have that in your mind you will be surprised what you can do. Mother has a harder time than I do. She takes care of his personal hygiene and I know that I can not go there.
He told Mother the other day that he is looking forward to the day that he gets "better."  How can you tell him that there is no better. I have not lost a parent yet and I don't know how I am going to handle that. When he gets "better" JW will be in heaven.
For now, I think Mother and I are in charge. Alzheimer can only rear his ugly head once in awhile. Stay strong, give me GRACE.