Don't worry, be happy..

10/02/2015

Don't worry it will all work out. How many times a day do you hear that phrase. My Mother is a professional worrier. She worry's about practically everything. Both of us has a tendency to lean toward anxiety attacks.

For those of you who have never had the pleasure of an anxiety attack it is about the worse thing to experience alone. I have had these "spells" since I was 15. I tried to explain to my primary Dr. what it feels like and it is very hard to explain. First you start to hyperventilate and then if you have one handy, you put a paper bag over your face and breath into it. I have shot right past that step and gone to the tingling feeling all over your body and breathing so shallow I have had EMT's ask me not to die on them in the back of an ambulance. If you go in and out of consciousness the EMT's will say something like, "If you keep signing out on me I am going to stick a tube down your throat and you will not be happy."  The last big attack I had was last November and let me tell you after 49 years it was the first time a doctor has actually come up with something that helps me.

The first question that they ask me is, "Do you have any stress in your life." My usual response is uncontrolled laughter and then I start the list of stress. That usually takes about 10 minutes. This particular doctor was an Army veteran and I suppose that a little old white haired lady was not his idea of high priority. That was until I had uncontrollable vomiting for 4 hours, that was with an anti nausea shot every 1/2 hour. He asked me if I had acid reflux. I do and I told him so. He than asked me if I took my medication as prescribed or only when my stomach was acting up. I told him I took it as needed. He really read me the riot act and said that most of my anxiety was caused by not feeling well. HELLO!! He gave me a medication, for nausea, that is given to cancer patients that are on chemo therapy and said that when I get the first twinge of an attack I am to put one of the pills under my tongue and use bio feed back to try to calm myself down. I have had three attacks since last November and the pills have worked each time. Do you know how happy I am to finally have a treatment to fall back on. My coworkers know where the pills are and they would take care of me if need be. My husband, James, has had to get them for me 1 time and I am so grateful.

I am still going to worry. Trying to juggle all of JW's treatments and personnel care is exhausting. More for Mother than I. I worry if JW is eating enough. Last Tuesday he was so tired that I fed him and Mother asked me what I was doing and I told her that I was daddy's girl and I could do what ever I wanted. JW gave me a smile for that. I worry about the house being safe. I worry about Mother getting too tired. If we did not have a sense of humor Mother and I would be the ones that needed to be in a home. I want JW to be surrounded by love. I want him to know that we love him. I'm not sure if he remembers his past. I hope that all the horrible events that happened to him are gone. When he does not recognize me the pain is physical. It all goes away when I walk into his room in the morning and he calls me by name.

Do not deceive yourself. If you are going to be a caregiver for a family member with Alzheimer you are going to have feelings and situations that you do not even think exist. You are going to be in the valleys and then high on life. You have to plan every day. If you have a day where no one is scheduled to come in the house then it will feel like a holiday. We still don't have the chair lift installed in the back hallway. Some problem with me not wanting half of the front of our house tore off. Hopefully I will get it in before winter. Good thing I have James to take care of all these problems during the day. My shift starts in the a.m. Saturday and Sunday.

Thanks for listening to me go on and on. This blog has been a tool that I can use to tell myself that it will "all work out."

Peace, Phyllis