Lonely Nights

May 18, 2016
excerpt from my unpublished book/ 1990

This thing called marriage has come to an end
When did it all change, he stopped being my friend
Now the night is dark and here all alone
Here with my parents, not really my home

The nights are the time, devoid of all light
That minutes seem like hours, my feelings I fight
Why have I made this choice I keep thinking in bed
Have I jumped from the stream, to water over my head

For years there was a feeling buried deep down inside
Like standing behind a door trying to hide
Somethings not right, its hard to figure out
His controlling mind for years had so much clout

The night holds terror that makes me shake with fright
For dreams I can't control, come visiting in the night
The goodbyes I have said, put him out of my mind
But in dreams he's in front of me telling me I must have been blind

He says, I gave you everything your heart could desire
Why I put you on a pedestal up in the air higher
I was away for 18 hours each and every day
To make sure my prized possession lived in a glamorous way

You were allowed to go out for awhile to be free
But I think its better if you stayed here with me
I'm all you need to keep you amused
I've even told you you're worthless always been used.

This is how my Father treated his wife
You should be happy in this cage for the rest of your life
Sure we had good times when ever I am here
But I don't like vacations, I need to work through the year

These dreams come and attack just like the color black
I fight to breath, to surface, to come back
The darkness is like a cloak with very heavy weight
It holds me down, struggling, like under a steel grate

I try to call out, to speak, to scream
Someone please help me, release me from this dream
But the cloak of darkness holds me down very firm
Reliving those moments, they always return

Slowly I will myself to break these chains
Come back to light, no matter how drained
The dreams will diminish down through the years
Just pray and remember you can conquer your fears