You walked the floor

Thursday
August 25, 2016

Apparently I was a preemie when I was born and also I was a colicky baby. Mother informed me that JW walked the floor with me in his arms, all night if need be. I was a Daddy's girl from day 1. What is the hardest thing for me to face is leaving him at the care center at night. I know that he has to be watched and I know that he cannot be left in his room alone due to the fact that New York laws have changed and the care centers are no longer allowed to restrict the residents movement at all. No more safety belts on the wheel chairs to keep them from sliding out. The side rails have been lowered to a ridiculous height that even if JW can't walk he can roll pretty much right out of bed.

It hit me yesterday while I was picking up Mother at the care center that I am now walking the floor over my Dad. I wake up during the night and wonder if he is OK. I imagine every negative scenario that has ever been imagined and that gets me upset. I hired a friend of mine to go to the care center on the days that Mother or I are not there just to make sure he eats lunch and that his room is clean. Also, that he is clean. I have come to know the residents as friends and I feel their struggles. One lady that I told you about last week has stealing down to a science. Now it looks like she had recruited another lady to join her. They are up and down the corridors and anything that is not nailed down goes into their wheel chairs. We have had to put JW's personal items on a really high shelf so the robbery gang cannot reach them. There is a gentleman that sits in one place all day and plays sudoku. I can't even figure the progression of the numbers but he seems to be a wiz. The other day one of the residents was coloring and she was out lining each part of the picture and then coloring it in. One of the younger residents regaled me with stories of the golden age of films and told me "they don't make movies like that any more." Due to HIPPA laws I cannot ask the nurses what these residents did before they came to live at the care center but sometime I can't help but wonder what their careers were.

We hung a couple of Dad's paintings in his room and I have to admit that it makes me sad to look at the talent that he had and Alzheimer has taken it away. I'm trying to figure out what lesson I should be learning from this trial.

I now have a new appreciation of useless paperwork. Every darn movement that JW does has to be documented. How many times a day he gets clean clothes, measure the food that he ate to make sure he is getting enough food, how long did he sleep, how long was he awake, did he get his shower, was he shaved, did he drink his protein shakes, did he eat a cookie, etc., etc., etc.

Plus dates from the past are all important. When did he enlist, when was he discharged, when was his last flu shot, has he spent over $2,000. in the last 5 years. I want to scream, "You do know that he has been diagnosed for 7 years this past June, so when he broke his hip and had surgery he hasn't even left the darn house." When Mother and Dad sold their house to move into my house 16 years ago I told them, "enjoy your life, travel and see the USA and don't save it for me". It will do no good to have the money when you are gone. Some of James' family don't get it. They are already spending money that they don't even have yet from when their parent passes away. Here's the thing. When you are dead, your dead. You came into this world with nothing and you will go out the same way. I'm not saying that I haven't saved money, because I have. What I am saying is I would hope that my son misses me more than any inheritance he will get.

I miss my Dad and he is only 7 miles from here. I will be walking the floor again tonight.

Peace, Phyllis ♥