Precious Memories

Saturday
September 10, 2016

JW has only been in the Care Center for 6 weeks and the decline has been rapid and devastating. He is exhibiting symptoms of Huntington's Disease with involuntary movements in his arms. He has an awful rash from all the food that he is eating. The nurses had to explain to me that because he is having meals 3 times a day with protein shakes and cookies in between he is having more bowel movements and as a result the acidity is causing a rash. I was on the phone yesterday with the charge nurse and this morning the Dr. was in to see him again. They are suppose to move him every two hours and Mother was there for 5 hours and saw no one come in to change his position. Well, Mother may be only 4'10" but she is fierce. The saying, "She may be tiny, but she be fierce" fits Mother to a tee. Well, before you know it she has 2 nurses, the charge nurse and the supervisor in my Father's room and she is giving them their orders as to how things are going to get done. I still don't talk back to Mother and  I am 65. We ended up staying for 2 more hours and fed JW his dinner. Mother ended up crying about leaving him there and I told her that I feel the sadness also but as his Health Proxy I have to do what is right for his health. He cannot walk. That is the bottom line. Without his legs we cannot move him. Every night when I leave him I wonder if it is going to be the last time I see him. I can only pray to St. Michael to stay with him and guard him. Of course with tomorrow being 9/11 I am very fragile right now. My emotions are all over the place.

I was downstairs having tea with Mother last week and we were talking about her Nick knack's that are every where. She was a supervisor in Chase Bank when she retired and all of her customers would bring her gifts from their travels and she never gave away one of them. I asked her why she kept them all and she said precious memories. I asked her what she meant and she said that when she is sitting there alone she has her precious memories to keep her company. I can kind of relate to that. Thirty One years ago my son gave me my first Precious Moment® figurine. He only gives them to me on Christmas and each one is picked out to reflect on the year that has past. When we spent a week in Disney® he gave me a little boy with Mickey ears on. When I went to college he gave me a little graduate. When I learned to sew he gave me a quilter. I could go on and on but you get the picture. Those are all precious memories. Now I am stock piling precious memories of my Dad. Tonight as I fed him his dinner I sang some of the songs that we use to perform together. It seemed to calm him right down and the arm movements stopped for a few minutes. He hardly ever speaks now but he has the most beautiful eyes. Blue eyes. Mother has baby blue eyes. I have blue eyes. I never took the time to memorize his eyes. I still have tremendous guilt about putting him there. I had a long talk with my Dr. on Wednesday about the guilt. Amazingly enough Dr. Mark is going through the same thing with his Father and he said imagine the guilt I feel being a Dr. I told him we have to do what we have to do. It may not be a popular decision but when you need help, you need help.

If I was put in an extended care facility would anyone feel like I do right now. I don't know but I hope that I would have precious memories to fall back on..

Please observe a moment of silence for the 2996 people who perished on 9/11/01 tomorrow. Remember Beamer who said "Let's roll" in Pennsylvania. Remember the Pentagon. Pray for this country.

Most of all, start building precious memories.

Peace, Phyllis ♥