Be Still and Know that I AM ...

May 17,2015

That cannot possibly be the alarm that is ringing already. I just fell into bed totally worn out and in pain. I might as well warn you all now. I am on a pity pot as big as my 14 room house. It seems that I am on the go from the minute I drag my sorry butt out of bed in the morning till I collapse at night.

My rheumatoid arthritis has been exceptionally painful this spring and I REALLY would love some relief. I take a weekly shot of Embril® with methotrexate® and if I figure that I have been on this medication for about 6 years, X52 weeks = approx. 312 shots, give or take a few. A week ago Saturday I got tangled up with my best friends dog and when I say I landed face first on the driveway I mean face first. I had injury to my face, right hand, right knee, right arm and left ribs. I have been taking hydrocap for a week and almost all is healed except for my left ribs. The whole point of that story is to say when I took my shot last weekend James had to give it to me because I couldn't hold the darn needle. I hate to think about what my abdomen looks like inside after 312 shots, give or take a few.

For the last couple of weeks it seems like we have been constantly on the go. I try to fit in an hour of exercise during the work day. One half hour in the morning and one half hour at lunch. I can only walk but if I didn't do that I would get no exercise. Mother had a full week. The nurses aid came on Tuesday and Thursday. We had a surprise visit from her supervisor on Thursday to monitor what is going on with JW's care. I finally got a professional barber to come to the house on Thursday to shave JW. It just wasn't working out with the neighborhood boy. If you remember I told you about the neighborhood boy that was shaving JW on Sunday's. He didn't show up for a few times and so we had to tell him that we could not plan to have JW shaved and you not show up. It would be ok if you just had to tell JW that someone was coming. But to get him ready usually takes Mother about 45 min. to an hour. We gave him a second chance and he showed up one Sunday and then blew us off again last week. I had come to the end of my rather long tether. I called JW's barber, that he had gone to for years and asked if they did house calls for shut-in's. Music to my ears, Tyler said yes. I explained that he had not been shaved for a couple of weeks and was in desperate need of a shave. Tyler went out of his way to come over on Thursday night and shaved JW. JW may not know who he is or where he is sometimes but the human touch is something that we all respond too. Tyler fussed over JW for an hour and it was worth every penny to see JW smiling.

I have started to do a couple of loads of wash for Mother on the weekends. She is totally exhausted. I know that it is not much but I try to do little things so she can rest. I fixed both meals yesterday and James will fix both meals today. Every other week I take Mother to do her "junk shopping", she calls it. That is where you go to the grocery store and get everything on your list and what ever else you see that you don't need but you can't live without.  On the alternate week I do her short list. I only get what is on the list. Sometimes I will pick up something that I know she uses but does not have on the list. I just went downstairs to see if she was working on her short list and she is on the front porch with JW watching the world go by. Perfect. I will get her short list before the end of the day.

Now I need to tell you about the Be Still part. Sometimes when I wake up at 4 or 5 in the morning and know that my alarm will not go off until 7:30 am that is when I start counting my blessings. If things are getting murky or muddy and I cannot see the good parts I need to Be Still and know that I am not alone. My higher power is always with me. He could not get to Sunday without going through Friday. WHOA-- I may be on Friday but Sunday is coming. A church friend of mine just lost her Mother on Friday. Her Mother had been TOTALLY paralyzed for 15 years. Yes, you read that right. She had MS and it took her 10 years to become totally paralyzed. So, for 25 years my friend and her family had that to deal with. You see, there is always someone that has a heavier burden than you. Don't get me wrong, JW is not a burden. He is our blessing. Alzheimer may think that JW has been taken away but what we have now is so loved and cherished that I know JW is in a good place right now.

No one knows what the future brings. Please stay positive. Look forward to tomorrow. Enjoy everyday. Love your family. Okay, I am getting off the pity pot now. Thank you for helping me sort this out.

Love, Phyllis.