Ocean waves

10/23/2015

Here I am another sleepless night and my mind will not be at ease.

JW has been having a tough last couple of weeks and as much as I don't want that to bother me, it does. He has fallen twice and I am the one that gets all excited about it. One time he was coming in from the porch and Mother says that he just wanted to straighten up his gel pillow in his chair and lost his balance. NOW I have gone over this again, and again, and again. Have JW use the walker when he is walking more than 10 feet, not his cane, his walker. Well of course he was not using his walker but the cane and it was more than 10 feet. The second time Mother said that he jumped up out of his chair and said that he had to take the car back to the rental place. Well, of course she had no idea what the heck he was talking about and he had forgot that he can't walk any longer without assistance and down he went. That pretty much sums up how it goes.

My rheumatoid  arthritis is beyond painful right now. The second and third toe on my right foot are splaying.  As they get pushed apart by the arthritis the bones are chipping and making walking a very painful task. I went to my doctor and he is sending me to a bone doctor who in turn will no doubt send me to the pain clinic who will want to shoot me up with pain meds. Pain medication has its benefits and also has it's downfalls. I will not be going on a pain med regiment. I find it hard to function on any type of controlled substance. More or less it knocks me on my butt and that is where I stay.

Right now I feel like ocean waves. If you have never been to an ocean you need to go at least once in your life. When you stand at the very edge of the water you can see the waves coming and you plant your feet on the sand as firmly as you can because once the wave hits you it will start to recede back out and you will get the strangest sensation of moving backwards. Of course you are not moving at all but the sand and the water are moving and it makes the optical illusion that you are moving backwards. Right now, I know the waves are hitting me at a steady rate and I have planted my feet as deep in the sand as I can. The problem is the sand is shifting and I am getting the sensation that I am losing ground.

I think that this must be a normal state of mind for anyone who is a care giver. You know that once you have addressed one problem chances are another one will be along soon. We have to take JW into the V.A. next Friday for a check up. We still don't have the chair lift in and we are going to have to get him out of the house. I just don't have the energy right now to worry about that. Mother has to go into her physician on Monday for a 6 month check up. That is not as big of a problem as getting JW out of the house.

I am going to step away from the water for today. Let the waves crash without me. I'm still not sleepy but I will have to try and rest for a couple hours.

Enjoy the day everyone. It's National Bologna Day. Figures.

Phyllis