A room, number 46

July 31, 2016

When you are born everyone wants to know what room you are in at the hospital. When you are approaching the end of your life I find it ironic that everyone wants to know what room you are in. JW is in room 46. It has come down to a room number.

We managed to get JW into a small, private medical care center. I'm not sure how we did it so fast but the V.A. called me last Sunday and said that we want to transport your Father tomorrow the 25th. I told them I would have to talk to Mother and see is she could do it that quickly. We needed time to process the whole business of him not coming home. We decided that Tuesday would be okay. I arranged for Mother to ride with JW from the hospital to the care center and braced myself for a day that I hoped I would never have to face. As I told you all last week in my head I understand the need for 24 hour care and supervision. The heart however is not listening.

I took the afternoon off from work and James and I went ahead of the transport to get all the legal paperwork taken care of. When we walked in the front door I was amazed how homey this place is. Nice furniture and a cat sunning on one of the couches. There are 2 house cats and I feel like it is a game of "Where's Waldo." I find myself looking for the cats every time I am there. After filling out paperwork for 2 hours JW finally arrived. I was taken aback a little by the fact that he has a private room. I asked why and was told that the VA had requested it. OK. Then I was pretty amazed at the furniture. Really nice, new french provincial armoire, dresser and bed. Custom air mattress. Cable TV and attached bathroom. As I was letting that all sink in I must have met with 15 health professionals that were there to help my family as much as my Father.

I am not going to lie. It is the hardest thing that I have ever had to do, leave my Father there. I promised that I would not put him in a nursing home. I promised I would take care of him. Mother explained you are still taking care of him but now you need some help. He cannot walk. That is the bottom line. Now that he has been there for 6 days I have seen all the staff bend over backwards to help him. They love vets. He has been given more attention in the last 6 days than we have been able to provide him in the last 7 years. He has different sounds surrounding him and Mother was afraid that he would wake up in the middle of the night and be afraid. They keep really close tabs on him and I think it is because of the resident to health care provider ratio. During the day the ratio is 8-1 and at night it is 10-1. I could not ask for a better ratio. He is receiving P.T., going to shows in house, being shaved everyday, and his linens are always spotless and clean. We have been going in at different times every day so that we can get a real feel as to what goes on there. I have really had to practice my faith of letting go. I cannot be with him 24 hours a day. Mother is getting to the age, 86, that I need to be concerned about her health and safety. This is a hard road to walk but I have to do it. James has saved me from total devastation. If I could I would stay in bed all day with the covers over my head. Not very realistic.

Happy Sunday!! Enjoy the sun and the blue sky. Love your family and friends. Don't take anything for granted. It could all change in 1 day and you will be known by your room number.

Peace, Phyllis ♥