Better be ready!!

Friday, March 10, 2017

A meeting with the funeral director to finalize the services for JW and Mom. I never, ever thought all the decisions I would have to make. The director came to the house and Mother and I sat for a little over an hour to go over the details. Well, lets see, do you want little cards with a cutesy verse on it so when people sign the condolence book they can take one and have it as a little memento of the day someone passed. Well, sure you do. The condolence book is a big decision. It reminded me of the book from our wedding. The one Mother and I picked out has a space on the cover that you can put a picture of your loved one, or in my parents case, a picture of anything else. I have been threatened with a haunting if I have one picture of either one of them at their services.  Or as Mother says, "if they cannot see me when I am alive they sure as heck are not going to see me when I'm gone." Which translates to closed casket. Then we get to the vault. Do you want water proof or not. What is the difference you may ask. Well, if you want you loved one to get water in their final space then you go non water proof. That kind of threw me. Of course I do not want my Mother or Father floating in water in their final resting space. Of so we bought 2 water proof vaults. Now for the casket you can start at $1,200. and work your way up to around $15,000. OK, we agree to go middle of the road and spend around $4,000. to $5,000. The service will be at our church where we have been members for over 50 years. If you want to see us you have 1 hour before the church service to come on in. Then we have the service, go to the cemetery and come back for finger sandwiches, cookies, coffee and tea. The one thing that I am struggling with is writing the eulogy. I don't want to go on and on but I want the final message to be remember the good times. Mother has named her eulogy "Precious Memories." OK, no problem there. Every time that I sit down and try to start I am a weeping mess. The one thing I forgot to tell the director that in the mountains where I grew up the congregation walked the deceased to the grave. I can remember the church members walking behind the hearse from the entrance to the cemetery to the grave site. I am sure that there has to be some permit that I will have to get to walk behind the hearse. Anyone can walk with me but I will be walking them on their final journey. Remember, their soul is gone only the container is left. Then a had a big problem, I did not want the pastor in residence to do their services. He has been to see my Dad 1 time in 7 1/2 years.  He does not know my parents enough to say anything about their life's. I expressed my concern to Mother and she, of course, had already thought of that. One of the members of the church is not really an elder, but his parents are, and David can give a talk that will bring tears or smiles to your face. I said "that is perfect!!" I will make sure that is handled.

Now, a week ago Sunday while Mother and I were at the care center JW moaned and cried for 3 hours. I of course got on my high horse and said "this won't do". I wrote a long letter to his doctor and expressed my concern that his pain management was not working during the day time hours. He started receiving pain meds with his dinner a couple of months ago and he seemed to get on well with that. He was receiving 500 mg of Tylenol 3X a day.  His legs have atrophied so much that it is painful just to touch them. They did start putting pain patches on his knees about a month ago but if JW can get his hands on them he takes them off. So, JW's physician agreed with my concerns and started JW on day time pain medication at 8:00 am and noon. Not a high milligrams but it seems to relax him. Mother does not agree with me but I am not backing down. If I have to choose between pain or medicated he is going to be medicated. I already told her that when it gets to the end I will have the doctor giving him everything that he can legally give him.

I went and had the CT scan on my lung and I do have interstitial lung disease. My arthritis is hardening one of my lungs. I really needed something else to take up my time. I didn't have enough on my mind.