May 8, 2017
Every morning when I am getting ready to go to work I put on my make up and try to draw a straight line with eye liner on my wrinkled skin. You would think that at 66 I would learn and give it up. Nope, I put it on, take it off, put it on, take it off, you get the idea. This is what I think my life is starting to feel like.
I am going to have to go into surgery at the end of this month to fix my left foot. When I had surgery to get my right foot fixed 2 years ago I was out of work for quite awhile. This time should only be a week or so. I have bursa's that are connected to my arthritis. The problem is they form on my feet and it makes walking next to impossible. I have a high pain tolerance and I am not kidding. I walked around on my broken ankle all day 3 years ago and only went into the doctor after I woke up the next morning because my leg was black from bruising. Dr. Fred that has taken care of my broken ankle, reconstructed my right foot and now doing my left told me the other day that there are people that say they have a high pain tolerance and then there is you. I had 5 pain pills left from 2 years ago and asked for 7 more and he said I can say with a clear conscious that you do not abuse meds.
JW had to go to the hospital April 11th. He was dehydrated from his cold that he had and so off we went. They called me into the finance office and said "if he is admitted to the hospital and is gone for longer than 1 day you will have to pay $363. a day to hold his room." Excuse me! You are charging the government $3,000. a month for him to stay here (not including meds) and I have to pay you $363. to hold his room. He has a private room and apparently if you want your family member to continue to have all that luxury you need to pay. Or they can move the resident to a semi private room. JW is so anti social that if there was another person in the room with him he would not be happy. He doesn't want to talk to anyone and I suppose he doesn't want anyone talking to him either. If he doesn't want to talk he will just ignore you and let you carry the conservation on your own.
I am not sure if any of you care givers out there have had to dealt with every time the aids move your loved one they scream, swear, cuss everyone from those present in the room all the way up to the pope. Last week end JW decided that he did not want to be changed, straightened out in the bed, clean sheets and covers but he screamed so loud that where I was outside his door it sounded like he was being murdered. Finally I couldn't take it any longer and barged into his room, whether his private parts were covered or not. I cradled his head and said "Daddy stop, I am right here, you are not in danger, and then rubbed the top of his head." He stopped right then and there. I looked at the nurse and said if you rub his head for some reason it calms him down. I was so upset after that episode that I was unsettled for the entire night. You can't help but worry about him being alone, even if there are people all around 24 hours a day. Is he safe, does he eat, does he understand what the heck is going on. When I am walking out the room and he looks at me with those baby-blue eyes I'm lost. I'm starting to cry just talking about it. Then when I talk with other people they tell me that they totally understand and it doesn't get any easier.
I've decided that I am not going to wear make-up any longer...
Peace, Phyllis♥
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