Father's Day 2017

June 17, 2017

Sorry I have been gone so long this time. The pity pot was as big as a swimming pool and I have been having a tuff time of it.

JW will have been in the Care Center for 1 year next month and I am having alot of trouble dealing with that.  Mother has been on the decline health wise for the past year and I have been trying to hold up under watching her mind slowly disappearing in front of me and knowing that my Father is deteriorating faster that she is.

We were denied Medicaid for 20% financial aid we needed to pay for the past year at the care center. I reapplied and who knows what will happen. It is not that James and I can't pay for it but it's the principal of the whole thing. When I tell you that I have a huge legal paper box full of paperwork I am not kidding. They want more and more financial information and I have provided most of it twice. Part of the problem was that DSS told me that I blew off a hearing in December 2016 and that is why it was denied. I asked to see a copy of the hearing notice that they said they sent to me and imagine my surprise when they could not produce it. So, they graciously granted me a retry on the hearing so that while I was in front of the Judge she sighed heavily, their lawyer doodled on his legal pad and the DSS employee more or less said, "to bad, so sad, sucks to be you."  I truly am trying to stay optimistic.

I had my foot surgery last month and I can truly say that I understand why people call Dr. Kevorkian to end their life's. The pain level was such that when I tried to take Oxy it made me sick. Then they tried something else, it didn't work either. Finally they gave me something that did not tear my stomach up too bad. Then because I had to go off my arthritis meds for 1 week before and 1 week after every joint in my body was inflamed. Needless to say old age is not for sissy's.

I have been trying to think how my Father must feel not being able to move or even feed himself or get a drink.  As a care giver you try to make their end time as comfortable as possible. Yes, I have increased his day time medication to make him rest better. Yes, I have had his physician put him on stronger night time sleep medication.  Yes, I have a Do Not Resuscitate order in place. I will at the end put him on every medication I can legally have him take to make his cross over easier. I still weep.

We have lost around 6 people on my Father's wing since last July. When we go in and see a name removed from the door to the residents room we know that they have passed or moved to a facility that can take care of more serious medical needs. It affects all of us. You get use to them in the community room. You talk to them whether they can answer you or not. You bring them little stuffed animals that they can hold in their little frail hands and you pray for all of them.

Tomorrow is Father's Day. If you are lucky enough to have a Father with you or someone that you consider a Father figure tell them you love them. Hold on to them and tell how much they have helped you become the person you are today. Buy them posters to hang on their walls if they cannot move. They may still have a crystal clear mind. If you Father is gone still honor him.  Once he is gone, he will be gone forever.

Peace, Phyllis ♥